Past and Present

A reflection on the climb from uncertainty to achievement, and the many peaks that still lie ahead.

K Sri Selva Nandana

Past and Present
Past Present
The screen blurred in front of me
Tears spill on the worksheet
It’s 3 in the morning and still
I have 15 more questions and
15 more days
For an exam which
Everybody says
Will decide my fate
‘Forever?’ I ask
Because the climb feels hard
Is this what it takes to reach the peak?
What will be of me?
Where will I stand?
Or more specifically…
Where will my picture be,
In those big banners outside
Every day as I inch closer
I wonder, I wish
I could meet Future me
Ask her, “Will it be worth it?”
Will she hug me in joy
And pat me, saying “Yes! It was!”
Or would she still look at me
And ask back, “Was this the right choice?”
“I still have to keep running?”
I wish she could hold me through this
Because the climb feels hard
But she would be standing at the peak
Won’t she?
The screen keeps loading
For what feels like an eternity
I sit with my eyes shut tight
And prayer on my lips
Peeked at the screen
And called out to them
Do I celebrate or do I worry?
Is this good?
No, is this good enough?
10 calls, 12 tabs and 3 conversations later
I get to know
Maybe it might be good enough?
Good enough to be on the banners
To get a respectable seat
To make all our sacrifices worth it
Lists of choices and preferences
And finally that wonderful mail
That finalizes our choice
I know now where I will be
And I wish
I could hold my past self
And tell her, “Yes! It was!”
I would look at her
And say, “It was the right choice”
“And I’ll keep running!”
Because even though the climb feels hard
There are many peaks we’ve got
To keep climbing up and up
The sky’s never the limit

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